Debunking our Culture of Fear

I heard an amazing story this weekend from a woman who is about to have her sixth child. She lives on a small moshav (settlement) in the Golan Heights where we were honored to be guests this past weekend. We began talking about childbirth because she asked me what I do, and when I'm due! I told her I'm a Perinatal Health Mentor and a doula, and I'm due in July, and that's always a good conversation starter!

She told me that all her births were completely natural. She likes to be left alone and her labors tend to go very quickly. She goes to Poriya hospital, about 40 minutes from her home, and feels very comfortable there. Since I am focused on eliminating fears around pregnancy and birth, I wanted to know how she came to choose natural birth. This is what she told me.

She said that when she was pregnant with her first, she had heard that birth is so painful and it's so hard - and she was curious about what it really felt like and if she could handle it. Once she experienced her first birth and found it to be acheivable, she decided she could do it and proceeded to have 4 more natural births and expects this next one to come in just the same way.
"But", she said, "everyone is different and I was very lucky."

Isn't that incredible? Curiosity led her to allow her body to birth her baby. I pointed out that luck had nothing to do with it! What she showed me in that short conversation was that not only was she not afraid of birth or the pain she'd heard about, but she also had to have a high level of trust in her body, in the process of having a baby, and (being a religious woman) in God. I didn't have a chance to ask her more about where her beliefs about her body and about birth came from, but it's clear that she wasn't raised in our typical western culture.

Why do we fear childbirth? Where does it come from? That's what I'm trying to find out! You can help me by filling out this very short questionnaire.

But more importanty, what are the risks of this fear? How does it affect you? How does it affect your baby? And how can we change it?

• Fear allows us to be easily persuaded. As long as pregnancy, birth and women's health needs in general are kept mysterious and scary, anyone who seems to have more knowledge than we do will be able to dictate our choices.
  

• With so many resources out there, it can be hard to weed out the truth. The main problem here is that most information you will find on women's health has an underlying agenda. Always check your source. Hospitals derive more than half their revenue from birth, so if a study or an informational pamphlet or a childbirth education course is given by the hospital, you can expect that it will tout the wonders of interventions which they can conveniently bill for. Let me be clear: I am not here to say that a hospital will intentionally do harm to a patient for the purpose of creating more revenue. (At least I hope not!!) What I am saying is that you can find proof for anything that you are trying to prove. My husband likes to say that for each study, there is an equal and opposite study, and also that research causes cancer in lab rats... well, anyway...! The point is that it is very hard to find information that doesn't come from a source who's soul purpose is to benefit the mother and baby. And it can absolutely come from the opposite end as well! Those who are out to prove that medicine is a crock and only babies born natural have a "birth day" (as opposed to a "delivery day" - yes, this is a statement that has been actually published!) can scare you away from technology that might very well be necessary for your particular situation! And although you may hear fewer horror stories from "natural" birthers than from the medical world, there are absolutely situations that require the use of the wealth of medical knowledge and technology that humans have developed over the past 5000+ years!
  

So how do we learn the TRUTH? How can I, a pregnant woman, know that I am making choices based on knowledge and evidence, and not out of fear of the unknown? How can I know if that emergency C-section was what saved my baby and that it wasn't the machine's margin of error that indicated stress to begin with?

That is the journey I am taking. And the first step is to increase our knowledge and for it to come from a source with no hidden agenda. We need to get a balanced understanding of our bodies, of this miraculous process of pregnancy and become so comfortable with our understanding of it that we can feel confident in our choices and our outcomes.

Freedom is born of knowledge, knowledge is gained by learning.

"When you saves one life, you save an entire World"

That is a famous Jewish adage, which indicates the vast potential of each individual. I just got the following email from my very dear friend, Noa. It is an opportunity for each of us to have a part in saving an entire world.

The best way to show God that you are ready to accept the abundance of creation is by giving to someone in need. So please take a moment to read the following information and do what you can to help.

From Noa Boshnack:
Miriam (Menachem’s mother) is a friend of mine. This is very scary and we can all relate to the horror and hope that this family feels.

I am personally running a fundraiser through Mary Kay. 40% of all my sales done now through Dec 24^th (with mention of the fundraiser) will be given to the Landon family to help get this baby the help he needs to grow strong and healthy for many years to come. A flyer will be sent out over the weekend with all of this info and I am asking that you send it out to as many people as possible to help someone in desperate need.

People can call me or go directly to my website to place orders and just mention the LANDON FAMILY FUNDRAISER. Please pass this info along to as many people as you can. There is info also at the bottom of this page for people who would like to make a donation and not participate in the fundraiser. The organization Chai Lifeline is helping this family raise money as well. All of their contact info is at the bottom of this page, as I said.

Thank you so much for helping in advance. May we all see happier days ahead.

-Noa Boshnack

516-978-7107

www.marykay.com/nboshnack

PLEASE RESPOND GENEROUSLY ASAP!!!

Menachem Shalom Landon, affectionately known as Menschi, is a two-year
old child who has been undergoing treatment for an aggressive
childhood cancer called Neuroblastoma( stage IV). Although he has
undergone aggressive treatment, cancerous cells still exist in his
body.

An experimental treatment in Antibody Treatment at Sloan Kettering
Cancer Center in New York holds some promise. Due to the urgency of
this child's situation, he will have to begin that treatment without
insurance coverage. The Landon Family currently lives in Savannah,
Georgia. Unfortunately, Georgia Medicaid will not cover this treatment
and Sloan Kettering is predicating this child's hospital admission on
a deposit of approximately $125K that it requires from self pay
patients.

Miriam Landon, the child's Mother, who grew up in
Oceanside, has been knocking on doors, making phone calls,
e-mailing and contacting local media - all in the hopes of finding
donors for a fund that has been set up for her son through an
organization based in New York called Chai Lifeline
(www.chailifeline.org). This is an URGENT and Time Sensitive issue and
are are seeking to raise these funds so that this child may enter this
treatment program.

The family has a website set up to assist in their effort
(www.thelandonfamilypage.blogspot.com). There is a video about Menschi
Landon that appeared on the local news in Atlanta on the site. At
the time, doctors gave this child a promising prognosis, but the
statistics are no longer in his favor; we appeal to you to help raise
awareness of this baby suffering from cancer who is in dire need of
help.

***PLEASE HELP PUBLICIZE THIS NEED!***

A tax deductible fund has been set up to help the Landons during this
difficult ti me.
1-TO MAKE A DONATION BY PHONE: call Chai Lifeline and earmark your
donation to the Landon Family Fund 305-956-9990

2- TO MAKE A DONATION BY MAIL: Make checks payable to: "The Special
Fund" *It is very important to note in the memo portion of the check
"Landon Family Fund".
Mail Checks to:
Marilyn Bensinger
Chai Lifeline Southeast Division
1140 Northeast 163rd ST #8
North Miami Beach, FL 33162

2--TO USE A CREDIT CARD: Please go to the Chai Lifeline web page and
click on donate. Please be sure to put "for the Landon family" in the
comment box

Thank you for your participation and support! To donate (tax
deductible) call Chai Lifeline(please earmark for "Landon Family
Fund") 305-956-9990

Life Lessons don't come from the Stock Market...

When you feel like you're not sure what you're doing here, have a conversation with a 4 year old... you'll get some perspective...

This morning I breakfasted in a quiet house with my son, Yoram was at Shul, Odeliya was still asleep, and so was my mom. Staying with my parents carries with it fun, family, love, and unhealthy treats... Like Fruity Pebbles. Although at least it provoked conversation...
Netanel asked me who the characters on the box were and explained to him about Fred Flintstone and cartoons and the "Stone Age"
"When Abba and I were young, this cartoon was on TV about people who lived at the same time as the dinosaurs."
"But are they really real?" asks Netanel, spoonful of artificial colors and flavors overflowing on it's way to his mouth.
"No, they were just make believe. Why?" I can tell there are gears and cogs moving around in that little brain and I am wondering if I can illicit a peak at the thoughts they are generating. Luckily, I am blessed with an articulate and precocious young man.
"Because if they were real then they'd be dead. Like the dinosaurs."
"Yes that's true."
"But are they very old?" hmmm, where is this going?
"Well, not really. I mean the show isn't on anymore, but they characters don't really get older, because they're not real."
Here it comes, I can tell because he looks off beyond my left shoulder and begins to speak.
"Sometimes people who are old can still stay young in our minds. Like Grandma and Sabi you and Abba."
"Really, why?"
"Because then they won't really get old, and when they die, I will still remember them in my mind."
Aha. Is it all four year olds that ponder the brevity of life? And more importantly, the desire to hold on to what we know...
"Netanel," I begin gently, "you don't really have to worry about death, you know."
"Why not?"
"Because we can't really do anything about it. We just have to live our lives and enjoy every minute and do what we were created to do. And when a person dies, it's sad for us because we miss the person, but it's not sad for that person, because their Neshama goes back to Hashem."
"Yeah, but I miss Saba." My grandfather passed from this world a year and a half ago.
"I know, but now Saba's Neshama is with Hashem, and now he can be really happy, because his body isn't hurting anymore."
"Yeah, and it takes a long time to turn into someone else." What?!
Netanel climbs onto my lap, his bowl now half full of soggy cereal pieces bleeding their colors into his milk.
"What do you mean, Tani?"
"When your Neshama goes up to Hashem, it takes some time before you become someone else."
I don't want to lead him, I want to hear what he thinking... I feel as if I am on the edge of an icy cliff with nothing to hold onto, what do I say to get his soul to continue talking to me?
Don't we let our mind fill with our bodily needs, our subconscious chatter, our misconceptions, failures, the feelings of that which we lack. Don't we stop letting our souls speak? And yet as children, that part of ourselves that is so pure, so connected with the Source of all knowlege and understanding, can still speak through us?
Netanel gave me just a little more, but I didn't get the whole thought from him.
Oh, how it changed my day to spend those moments with my beautiful and wonderous little gift.

What are we but indelible memories in the minds of our loved ones?...

Beauty - discovered and exposed!

What is beauty?
Is it attraction? Is it physical, spiritual? Is it something you see or something you feel?

All the dictionary definitions I found indicate that it is a feeling that is generated by the thing which is being perceived as "beautiful."
For example:
beau·ty /ˈbyuti/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[byoo-tee] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun, plural -ties.

1.	the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

("beauty." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1). Random House, Inc. 04 Oct. 2008. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beauty>.)

It is a quality that causes a sense of deep satisfaction or pleasure to the person perceiving it. As the old saying goes, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

It also seems that a thing of beauty has a spiritual aspect to it as well. It is something that resonates deep in your soul. It is something that will resonate with me if it's component can be found inside my own soul, which is why some things are universally considered beautiful while others are very specific to the individual. I find transient things in Nature beautiful. Something about a things that change so rapidly and yet with such precision resonates with me and brings me joy. Others might be very uncomfortable by a bed of decaying leaves, but I see the potential for new life. Some may feel dismay at seeing bare leaves against a gray sky, but I revel in the contrast of it and derive pleasure at the beauty of the changing seasons and the systems and the cycles of the year.

As women, this is not a foreign concept to us. We exist in a cycle with our bodies, and in order to see the truth and the beauty in our bodies, we need to be in harmony with those cycles. It is so alarming to me to hear what people do to avoid getting a period, and yet there are so many women out there that would do anything to feel those familiar discomforts and the ability to create life which it brings.

Take a moment to breath with me, and become completely one with the beauty of your body. The beauty of a body that was created as God desired (Jewish women have the opportunity to say this every day, in the morning blessings it says, Source of Blessings, God, who created me according to His desires.") How deep is that? How excellent a thought? Who is the Ultimate Beholder if not God? And you were created, not only in His image as all humans are, but more so, according to God's desire!

You, personally and individually, you were created in this way. So stop stressing about what you're doing on the outside to make sure that other people think you're beautiful! Take a deep breath and consider that if you can find the true beauty inside yourself, if you can tap into that and access it and exude it through your actions and your words, then - and only then, can you posses the kind of beauty that is universal and cannot help but be perceived by everyone you encounter! Even while you inspire them to delve into their own souls and come in contact with their own true beauty as well!

As a Women's Wellness Educator, I can guide you through this process, and increase your awareness of your body, your wellness and your self. Want to know more? Click here for more information!

Blessings of joy and love and (of course!) beauty,
~Ayelet

Blessings for the New Year

I sit here, literally on the brink of the new year, and I am overwhelmed by a consciousness of greatness in this coming year.

I did an experiment last week. I had these wonderful insights into Teshuva and Tefilla that I wanted to share with the women with whom I am in contact. I have a strong desire to provide an easy way for us to come together for Torah learning, for raising our internal awareness of the Greatness and Excellence that resides in each and every one of us... although it tends to be smothered by our daily grind.

I have been expanding my knowlege and growth through various teleconference seminars, both free and paid, and suddenly I realized how easy it would be for the women I intend to serve to learn in this way - it's on the phone, it's in the evening, AND it's recorded for listening at one's liesure!

As an experiment, I put together this tefilla workshop as a paid program - with the following goals:
1. Guage people's interest/commitment levels
2. Make some money (;-)
and
3. Raise some ~$100 to donate to Chai Lifeline through sponsoring my friend Estee's team in the Marathon.

Well, this is what I learned:
I got some interest, but not much commitment.

The problem is, that I still want to raise money for the cause I committed to, and I want to share the workshop that I prepared with eveyrone who is interested in hearing it! With Hashem's help, I was given a new inspiration!

Ok, ready?
I am going to restart the program - combining the first two classes together on Thursday night.
Everyone is welcome to join! If you are even remotely interested in the topic, go ahead and sign up!
(Obviously, you want to ignore anything about the cost of the class!)
However, you can still help me raise money for Chai Lifeline by indicating in the submission form that would like to be involved in this important Mitzvah.

I look forward to sharing inspirational moments with each of you in the year to come!

Many blessings to each of you, and may you merit to fulfill the promise that Hashem gave to Avraham to be a source of blessings to those around you!

Shana Tova uMetuka!
Love,
Ayelet

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! Women's Tefilla Workshop for the High Holy Days starts tonight!

How many Challot are baking in your oven? Is your Stuffed (or Unstuffed!) Cabbage steaming on the stove? Have you bought the kids new clothes, maybe you've had time to buy something new for yourself!
But what is the state of your Neshama???
Do you wish you had some time to mentally and spiritually prepare for the tefillot this year?

You CAN! With trememdous gratitude to Hashem, and thanks to technology and the internet, I can offer you, my busy sisters (aunts, mothers, daughters...), a way to realistically learn, process and rise up to the Yamim Noraim 5769!

My gift to you as we begin this New Year is a 4 part workshop beginning TONIGHT! But you don't have time to leave your house! You still have cooking, cleaning and shopping to do! You still have last minute things to take care of before you leave work/school for the better part of a month!

Go to www.wholebodybeauty.com/source.html right now to register!

NO WORRIES! This workshop is all over the phone! And if you can't join us for the live calls - you will get an mp3 recording emailed to you the next day! You can listen to it streaming on your computer, or you can download it and put on your iPod, mp3 player, or burn it to a disc and listen while your running errands, washing dishes, doing laundry, bathing the kids...

PLUS, you will also get a transcription of every call emailed to you, so if you don't get to listen before Yom Tov, you can print out the transcript and read it over the Chag!

And here's the best part!
What are the three things that can retract a Gezaira Rah? Teshuva, Tefilla and Tzedaka, right? So the classes themselves will help give you new insight into Teshuva and Tefilla - and I'm going to help you with the Tzedaka part too!
The cost of the workshop is only $36, and 10% of that will be going to sponsor the Team Lifeline Marathon, for Chai Lifeline. More information can be found at http://www.teamlifeline.org/mypage.php?myid=55261!

So: You're learning, your gaining insight into your purpose and your tefillot and teshuva will inevitably be raised to a higher level - AND your giving Tzedaka to an extremely worthy cause that unfortunately touches each of our lives in one way or another.

So are you ready to register??
Just click on the link below for all the information! But hurry! The first class is tonight and you need to be registered in order to receive the audio recordings in the morning!

http://www.wholebodybeauty.com/source.html

With blessings of a sweet and wonderful New Year in which all your dreams and desires come to fruition!
Love,
~Ayelet

Four Days in the Holy Land: part 1

Although I have been back from my trip for almost a week now, I am finally finding the time to post on my blog, so here are my reflections from my trip... thanks for sojourning with me!

Written 9am (Israel time) Tuesday 9/16

I arrived in Israel on Sunday afternoon 9/14 for a four day trip. My purpose: recon

• Mission: Pre-Aliyah Pilot Trip


• Reconnect with the Land --- check


• Cry like a baby at the Kotel ---- check


• Meet and connect with other people in my field --- check


• Find a neighborhood to move to in which we will feel welcome, but not feel like we’ve just transplanted our American lifestyle to a different country ---- working…!

Yesterday I walked all over Yerushalayim. I started out in Arnona (southeast of the center of town), my SIL’s lovely apartment, walked all the way to the center of town, bought minutes for my pay-as-you-go Israeli cell phone, bought a fresh carrot-orange juice, and kept walking. I got on a bus at the Shuk (market) to get to Givaat Shaul. Those of you who were in Michlelet Mevaseret Yerushalayim (my post-high school yeshiva in Israel) in it’s first 3 years will appreciate this! The Nefesh B’Nefesh office is in Beit Ofer!! So I got off the bus at the Angel’s bakery and walked the rest of the way – and as I contemplated my reflection in the store windows, I had to wonder who that married woman was, because I was certainly 18 again! It was such a pleasure!

Then I kept walking! I walked down to Ramat Beit Hakerem, near Shaarei Tzedeck hospital, to meet with a dear friend of mine named Michal Schonbrun. Michal is that main proponent of teach the Fertility Awareness Method (aka: FAM – a way of becoming completely aware of how a woman’s body works and what those cycles really mean!). She is also beginning a workshop for religious women on intimacy, and I can’t wait to hear more about how that goes! I’m so impressed with Michal! It was so wonderful to reconnect with her. (Her website is _____) And look out for her name in one of my upcoming newsletters!

After that, I decided I was done with walking for the day! I took a cab back to Arnona, and a bus back into Mercaz Hair (Center of Town) to meet up with another friend of mine, Hadassah, and her friend. We ate greasy, delicious burgers at Burger’s Bar and talked about communities in the Shomron, in the Gush, what to ask when I go out to see neighborhoods, and we talked about our visions for the future: mine to start a Family Health Center, Coralee’s to fly in a hot air balloon, and Hadassah claims it’s to go to DisneyWorld, but I know there are more exciting things in your future, Hadassah!

Plan for today:

Going out to Kochav Yaakov this morning. It’s a settlement north of Jerusalem. Then coming back through Jerusalem to the gush to visit my friend Shoshi in Neve Daniel and my SIL in Efrat and see some of the neighborhoods in the Gush.
I’ll keep you posted!!

Love, Ayelet